Rude In-Laws
Unfortunately not all of use can get along with our in-laws, but they come with the marriage. How we deal with them, and their attitude is what makes the best out of a not-so-great situation.
Firstly, and probably most important, tell your husband or wife how their family makes you feel. If their is any fixing of how they treat you, your significant other is the best person to talk to them about it.
If that doesn’t work, try to let their comments go through one ear and out the other. Basically, ignore them. If you’re not letting their comments get to you, they’re bound to start backing off. Chances are (much like school kids) they’re just trying to get a rise out of you.
Lastly, if their comments still aren’t stopping and it’s still bothering you – stop having them over until they can learn to be respectful. Discuss this with your significant other first, of course. But to be quite honest, who wants a jerk around the house? Even if it is family. You don’t have to cut them out completely. If a holiday is coming up, invite them to dinner for that holiday. Just cut them out of random dinners and visits. It’ll help cut back the stress on you, but you will still be acknowledging the in-laws.
If nothing else fails, talk to your significant other and see if the two of you can come up with any other possiblities on how to get them to stop. Chances are that together you can come up with some sort of solution.
One strategy is to meet them in neutral space – then you do not feel so invaded ……… meet at a restaurant for a meal , or why dont you stay at the *X* hotel – will be much more comfortable for you.
What if you only go to holiday partys and they are still rude? We try to stay away as much as possiable. But the sister in laws still are very rude. Do we stop going all together?
Misty:
Not going at all is an option, but have you tried bring it up to them? If you haven’t, try sitting them down and asking them if they have anything against you because… and then explain how they make you feel. It may be that they’re being rude to you is something they just didn’t realize they were doing.
My husband’s family brings up his ex’s everytime I am around. There has not been one time that they have not brought them up. We were there on Sunday for about 30 minutes and I counted they brought them up 15 times. We recently just got back from a trip and they did not ask one question about that. I just don’t understand why they would do this.
Amber:
First you should let your husband know how you feel when they say those things. Then ask him if he’d talk to them about it.
The reason why I think he should approach them over you doing it is simply because they’ll take it better from him. If you say something, they’ll probably just try to chalk it up to jealousy.
Then if it doesn’t stop even though either you or your husband explained how uncomfortable it makes you feel, it may be time to not visit except on rare occasions. Their’s no need to put yourself in that position.
I have the most rude inlaws anyone has ever incounterd.They are direspectful to my entire framily.And my family is nothing but nice and givimg to them.For an example every time my mother walks into my home my mother inlaw rolls her eyes at her and does not even say hello.my daughter had her first b day at my inlaws house (gig mistake) and my very rude father inlaw opened the door for my parents( whom they have only met once at my wedding)and just opened the door and walked away from it not even a hello a welcome or a smile and then my mother inlaw rolled her eyes at them.Its not just my parents they do it to me my mother inlaw has ruined every holiday for me even my childs birth she told me only after my baby was 20 minutes old to change her name because she did not like it.I have talked to my husband about them and he is blind or just does not want to see it.We only argue about his parents and I have almost left him because of them.Another example of there rude manners is x-mas time my infant was seating in between my legs and my mother inlaw shoved me 3 times and told me to get out of the way in front of the intire family my husbands response was “You should of got up faster”.So Im not really sure how to deal with people like this.Please help.
Nicole:
Your husband might be the problem here. Obviously your in-laws aren’t going to listen, it looks like you really need him to speak up. If he doesn’t understand, talk to him. Explain to him how it makes you feel. If he continues to act blind to it, it may be time to just simply set some ground rules of your own with him and his family. If they come to your house and act with any disrespect, tell them it’s time for them to go home. Be stern. Their’s no reason to be treated that way. And if you’re in their home, you can always leave. If your husband doesn’t want to go, then you can always just leave him there.
The problem first and foremost would be the unsupportive husband. He shouldn’t be allowing his family to treat you that way.
Please i need help!!! i been dating my boyfriend for the past 2 years. in the beggining everything was ok with his parents. but lately they hate me so much.if they see me somewhere they would turn their faceses around as if they did not even see me. and the problem got bigger when i got pregnant he talked to his parents and his parents told him if he even thinks about marrying me that they will never talk to him and consider him as their son. and also his dad called me and told me to stop my game and get rid of it. he is scared to lose his family and im scared to lose my child. please help me!!! i can not talk to any of my freinds or family about this.
You need to talk to your boyfriend about this. Only the two of you can decide what should be done. I’m also thinking that maybe he could ask why they feel how they do about you? Their must be something that would make them go from okay to not liking you. See if maybe they heard something somewhere that is causing them to react this way? Worse case scenario, you can always walk away from it. You don’t need the stress while your pregnant and if your boyfriend can’t get them to back down, is it really something you want to stick around and have to deal with?
my husbands grandmother is not only rude, she is inconsiderate and disrespectful. I have always treated her with respect, I do with everyone. She finds it necessary to speak negatively to other family members about me. She was extremely upset that I will not allow my BIL over to my home, he is extremely inappropriate with me. Most of the family will not allow him in their homes either. His grandmother seems to believe that this is acceptable for them but not for me. Husband and I have been married for 15 years. I believe that I have tried to be accomodating and respectful long enough. His grandmother has causeed many arguments between the two of us. She interrupts our plans, she also expects us to drop what we are doing to come running to her home when she wants something. If we do not, she will get upset, hang up on us, cry and and really she pouts. I could understand if this was due to her age, but it is not. She has been this way her whole life.
The problem is that my husband insists that I accompany him to her home at least once and week and for holidays. I would really perfer to limit my encounters with her. When I attempt to speak to my husband regarding this he is offended. How do I make my husband understand this without it ending in us becoming angry with one another?
I’m not sure what to do. My husband and I were recently married. My in laws have been very manipulative since the day my husband and I announced our engagement. They were absolutely awful during the week of our wedding! They canceled the rehearsal dinner and talked trash about my family while my family hosted a reception for out of town guests. They barely spoke to me during the wedding and when they did, my FIL told me “You have (hubby) call his mother.” I said, I have been trying to get him to call his mother. He said “You just have him call his mother once a week!” Then his mother said, “Welcome to the family, have a nice life.” I have tried to put this in the past. I wrote a letter to my MIL and told her that I hoped that we could overcome whatever happened at the wedding and that she would forgive me if I did anything to upset her. I was trying to be nice to her and start off our marriage on the right foot. She said there was nothing to forgive. Recently, I have been getting along with the in-laws pretty well. However, there are two things that are really bothering me. A) they are VERY rude to my parents. They will walk right past them without saying “hello” or anything! They pretend that they aren’t there! B) they have been trying to manipulate my husband to stay in the Navy when we’ve decided to get out. We have told them this repeatedly, but they just keep saying that he should stay in the Navy. They also get other friends and family members to call my husband and lecture him about staying in the Navy. I know that I can’t talk to his parents about the career change (although I really want to tell them to stop interfering), but I think that I need to tell them that their rudeness to my parents is unacceptable. They only thing is…I don’t know how to do this civilly. I don’t want to start WWIII. I merely want them to stop acting so rudely to my family! My parents have tried to branch out to the in-laws. But…they continue to be rude. It hurts my family that they are being rude…and…it makes me very upset whenever I hear of the mistreatment. What should I do? Also, I should mention that I am currently thousands of miles away from them. So…having a face to face conversation is out of the question right now.
lol
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