Friend In The Middle

Dear Angel,

My best friend of 5 years is engaged to marry her boyfriend of 4 years. She says she loves him dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. She was my maid of honor at my wedding and she wants me to be in hers too. So I am helping her plan her wedding.
At the same time - she is also with another man anytime she is not with her fiance. They go out on dates, they have sex, they do the sweet sappy love letters and text messages to each other. He even bought her a star for christmas and spent another $300 on her for a spa treatment package. She says that she loves guyB dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. So I am stuck in the middle of helping her plan her wedding with guyA while she is also in love with guyB. She says she wishes she could just have them both and not have to make a decision. She says she knows its wrong but she just can’t stop - “when I’m with guyB I just can’t tell him no”. What is a best friend to do? I can’t tell her anything - she won’t hear it. I tried to tell her that I don’t want to be a part of it anymore - that I can’t sit down with her and help her plan her wedding while she is also telling me about being with this other man. But after telling her that - she doesn’t want to be friends anymore. She says I’m judging her - and abandoning her and that I’m just a fairweather friend. I don’t know what else to do - it breaks my heart to see her do this to herself and to her loved one(s). Should I just chalk this up to a friend lost?

- ExBestFriend

Dear Ex Best Friend,

You are in a tough spot. You did exactly what friends are supposed to do, trying to help when you reconize your friend really needs it. It definately sounds like she really does need it. Don’t write her off yet, though. She is making a couple mistakes with her life right now, and in the end - she will need you.

Watching your friend make these mistakes is going to hurt. I know I have hurt for a friend before, because she wasn’t too smart with her life choices. You can only advise your friend and hope she makes the right choices. If she doesn’t make the right choice, it is going to continue to hurt you. Right now it is up to you to decide weither or not you want to continue the friendship the two of you have had. If you’re tired of all her drama, it might be time to step back. If you’re willing to set aside your feelings to continue being there for her, give it a try. Advise her when she wants your opinion, and be honest. If she doesn’t see why she is wrong, she is going to continue thinking you are against her.

In the end, this is her problem. Not your’s. Don’t let it drag you down. You still need to think of yourself, too. Good luck! I hope that for your friends sake, she can sort out this mess in her life. She really needs to before she does get married.