On Again, Off Again Relationship

well, for 6 years+ i’ve been completely in love with this one guy. and we’ve been on and off a lot, sometimes because he needs it and sometimes because i need it. but recently i left him for someone else, named Bran. needless to say it didn’t work out with the Bran, so i’m seeing the love of my life again. i’m not sure he wants to completely be with me, but i’m willing it stick it out and wait. however, Bran, who dumped me, is now convinced that me and him never broke up. i think he is delusional and i really have no clue what to do. i’ve never been good and breaking up with people and i really don’t like hurting people’s feelings. i don’t want anything to do with Bran but i’m not sure how to ‘handle it’. hopefully this isn’t to confusing..

-confused

Confused,

This is definitely a two part question, and I hope my advice helps.

Part One: The on/off relationship.

I don’t know exactly how you feel about having an on/off relationship with this guy, but for most people it’s something that can make a relationship harder to keep together each time around. Obviously this isn’t true in all cases, but what generally happens with something like this is that the cycle of breaking up and dating again doesn’t stop.

As I see your situation from what you said, I think that the reason why the two of you keep going back to each other is because you’re comfortable. I’m not saying that’s exactly a bad thing if the both of you are able to hold off on your emotions enough to not be upset when one of you finds someone new or a new relationship. Or just decides to cut back until you both decide to get back together again. The other catch to this is that neither of you is moving on. When a relationship ends, it generally means because it’s not working out. That’s why moving on is so important. It sounds to me like neither of you want to because [this goes back to what I said a couple sentences ago] you’re comfortable with each other.

The breaking up and getting back together probably won’t stop unless you make it stop. Whether it stops with the two of you together or not. It might be time to put an end to the comfort and just stop the cycle your on/off relationship is taking. That way if it doesn’t work out this time around, both of you can truly move on without feeling that need to get back together again at a later date.

Part 2: Bran

As for Bran, what I would recommend would be to sit down and talk to him somewhere public. Like the mall food court or something to that affect. Then politely tell him that the two of you aren’t dating anymore, and just be generally polite but make sure you let him know that it is definitely over. This way if he has any inkling that the two of you haven’t broken up, it will make it clear that it is over for him so he can move on. No one really likes breaking up with people [I know I don't!], but sometimes it’s important to make sure you got your point across instead of just hoping they got your hint and when they might of missed it.

If, by chance, he starts following you or harassing you in any way make sure you talk to the police about it. That’s just a disclaimer, though. In case he turns out to be some crazed person who is obsessed.