Dealing With Rude In-Laws

A previous post on rude in-laws tends to bring in quite a bit of traffic. I also know how messy some of my older posts are, and that one happens to be one of my first entries. So I would like to make a revised list of ways to deal with rude in-laws. I hope you find this revised post more helpful and easier to read.

1. If your in-laws are being rude, walk away.

This is a particularly simple thing to do if you’re in your own home. Don’t let the rude things they say get to you. Just walk away and take a moment to catch your breath. There is no need to let them get you all worked up. Chalk it up to ignorance and disrespect. Obviously they are not very good people and be thankful your significant other isn’t like them (hopefully s/he isn’t anyway).

However, if you’re not in your own home, excuse yourself to the bathroom; check on the kids; whatever task you can think of at that moment you could do. When you’re in another room take a deep breath. Hopefully this one comment will be the only one made that night.

2. If they continually make rude comments, make sure someone leaves.

If this is your home, tell them the night is through and it’s time for them to go home. They have out stayed their welcome. They will probably say things like, “Oh, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings… I didn’t mean to.” or even that all-too-common, “I don’t know why you’re getting so huffy.” This is your home that you share with your S.O. You do not need to be disrespected in your own home. If your S.O. has a problem with you telling his/her family to leave, point out that they can stay but you will be sleeping elsewhere that night. It’s important not to allow yourself become a stomping ground.

On the other hand, if you are in their home the situation is easier to handle. Just make an excuse to why you need to leave and do it. Tell your S.O. it’s time to go, corral your kids if you have any, and walk out that door.

3. Talk to your S.O. about his/her family.

This is very important considering you are probably interested in keeping your marriage together. You have to face this head on with the person you love. Anything you say to his family may go in one ear and out the other. Anything s/he may say to their own family might actually get across to them.

Tell your S.O. how it makes you feel when they say those things. Point out that you can not and will not allow someone to treat you that way, even if they are related by marriage. Stand your ground. Marriage does not mean setting aside your emotions. It does not give anyone the right to treat you less than who you are. Remember that.

4. Now if your S.O. won’t talk to them, or they won’t listen, you still have options.

Take them out of the equation by not inviting them to your home and by choosing not to go to their house when invited. By no means does this mean you should force your S.O. to not to go, it could be an invite to get him/her out of the house (with the kids maybe) and giving you a chance to pamper yourself too! If they can not treat you with respect, why would they deserve the respect of your presence?

5. The most important aspect is to find middle ground with your S.O.

Do not let your in-laws ruin your marriage. But if your S.O. can not see a problem with how they treat you, there is no way you can force them to see it. The hope here is that they will be understanding to your feelings. If they don’t, then what happens next is truly up to you. Either put up with things, or consider alternatives.

I would also like to take a moment to remind everyone that this is simply general advice. I am in no way licensed nor do I have a degree. Use your own common sense. Every situation is different and not everything is handled the same way. Remember that.